THE RAUNCH PAD   3/7/2001

Oh Lord, can it really be the last RAUNCH PAD? Will you ever again be as up-to-date on the seedy shenanigans of the music industry? The answers, of course, are Yes and No. So here's your last dollop of disreputable dealings. Enjoy.

We begin with another ending. NAPSTER have shuttered their file-sharing service, suspending all transfers between users while they update their software. The aim is to ensure all unauthorised tracks are filtered out, so any hint of uncontrolled free-ness is now dead. Members Only service coming soon. So get ready to cough up.

And farewell too to some musical legends. The mighty CHET ATKINS has died. Known as MR GUITAR, he had a major hand in melding Country and Pop, both as musician and producer, winning fourteen Grammies in the process. Gone too is renowned saxophonist JOE HENDERSON, winner of four Grammies. And JOHNNY RUSSELL, who co-wrote some big ole hits, including Act Naturally, which RINGO STARR sang for THE BEATLES. And also on the way out, apparently, is ROBBIE WILLIAMS who has sworn to kill himself off. "I'm everywhere," he said, with admirable perceptiveness. "It must be really boring for people". Sadly, Williams plans to reinvent himself, some time in November, probably - so no point in your volunteering to pull the trigger for him.

But for every death there is a birth, and congratulations to LIAM GALLAGHER who has become a father again. Yes, THAT APPLETON WOMAN has dropped a sprog, called GENE. Good news, that, as it means Gallagher has lost that dull Beatles obsession, and is now concentrating on SMITHS tribute bands. On the subject of those damn Beatles, the city of Liverpool has decided to rename its airport the Liverpool JOHN LENNON Airport. The logo will be Lennon's head, accompanied by the line "Above us only sky", from Imagine. What the Church will have to say about THAT is anyone's guess.

A bit of gig news. A second MICHAEL JACKSON 30th Anniversary show has been added at Madison Square Garden, on September 10th (the first one's on the 7th). Another may well be added on the 9th - if Wacko decides not enough tribute is being paid. Elsewhere, THE PET SHOP BOYS' gay pride-enhancing Wotapalava tour has been postponed. They couldn't find a replacement headliner after SINEAD O'CONNOR pulled out due to family commitments, and the tickets weren't selling either.

On the album front, watch out for the newie by WU-TANG CLAN, called Wu Chronicles: Chapter II, and Can Our Love, by everyone's favourite loungey lovebuckets THE TINDERSTICKS. There's also a treat in store for anyone who enjoys ambient wibblings and techno squigglings, for THE APHEX TWIN has completed DrukQz, a 30-track double, expected in the Autumn. Thirty tracks! Well, it'll save on Melatonin, eh? Oh, and September 18th will see a new LP by TORI AMOS, all covers of male artists including DEPECHE MODE, EMINEM, SLAYER and, er, LLOYD COLE.

There's to be an action doll made of JIM MORRISON, to mark the 30th anniversary of his death in that Parisian bath-tub. It'll come with a mike and stand and will see the Lizard King in a typically self-mythologising pose. The troll-like JERRY GARCIA effort is out now.

And we end with a last rush of naughtiness. K-CI of K-CI AND JOJO has got two years probation and a $910 penalty for showing off his willy at that Christmas bash last year. But the class action suit against radio station KIIS is still pending. The parents of a young girl in attendance are claiming that the station knew about K-Ci's previous plea of guilty to a charge of aggravated sexual contact, yet STILL promoted the show as a family event. Tut tut.

Then there's HOWIE EPSTEIN, bassist for TOM PETTY, who, along with Country star CARLENE CARTER was arrested near Albuquerque, New Mexico. They were stopped for driving a stolen sports utility vehicle, but then police found a small quantity of heroin and assorted drug paraphernalia. It's up to the DA's office whether there's enough evidence to prosecute.

And we close (FOREVER!!! Sob!) with COURTNEY LOVE. She may be trying to save musicians from the evil industry, but she's also kicking NIRVANA's butt. This week, she was granted an injunction barring the release of the previously unavailable You've Got No Right, due to appear on a 45-track Nirvana box-set. And she's seeking to stop KRIST NOVOSELIC and DAVE GROHL from doing any Nirvana business, thereby dissolving LLC, the partnership she set up with them in 1997. Love claims she only joined in because she was still "overwrought and distraught" over KURT COBAIN's death - three years earlier. Novoselic, though, says he makes decisions about Nirvana based on what Kurt would've wanted, while "Courtney wants control of Nirvana so she can leverage deals that benefit her career". A difficult one. Would Courtney's husband have wanted THAT? Let's all join hands, concentrate, and ask.

  That's it. RAUNCH is aborted. Byee.
 
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